Promise.

I promised myself. No wait, I swore to myself.

To never be like her. She, who I despised and loved at the same time. She, who I looked to for strength, and who I blamed for everything that failed.

I swore never to make the same mistakes. Never to go as weak as she went. Never to compromise on my courage, or my dreams. To fight for what I believed in. and to always, ALWAYS, keep my pain to myself and to smile, no matter what may come.

But slowly, I became her. I despised myself. Despised her too. Blamed her for turning me into her. But it was too late. I was her now.

Not only her ghost, but her shadow.I became everything she ever was, and more.

But now, in her shoes, I understand. I empathise. All the dreams I thought she compromised, were not sacrifices, but a way for greater things to be, namely me and him. All the times I thought she was weak, she stood at her strongest. And all the times she broke down, was in exasperation, but she never gave up.

Now, I understand.
Now, I know.

That she is someone to be proud of. And to be her, an honour.

So now, I look in the mirror, and smile, proudly.
I am proud to be your shadow.

I love you, ma.

My masochist guilt.

We have our vices. And mine is not out-of-the-blue, but rare to admit, the feeling of pain and guilt. Oh, how I love the feeling. Not because how it feels, but how it inspires me; makes me feel I'm nothing but a mere human.

Well, that's my guilt, my vice. It drives me to a corner of near-crazy; almost solitude world of me and my wild things. Once I reach the so-called destination, it's like a complete different world. Me and my mind, and the wrongs of everything right; Ah! Whatta feeling that is.

Take a perfectly good day, and I'll ruin it, just for the sake of it. Just for the kicks that come with it. And how I revel in that glory is completely confounding. I'll take a perfect relationship and ruin it just cause it seems to good to be true or too fake with all the happiness.

And oh no no! There's nothing wrong with me. ( Or maybe there is, it's for you to judge, or not.)I am just a human going through the phase of change, which is ironic obviously.

Define.

They say that our past is what defines us. But not entirely.

I say, our past makes us what we are today. Our mistakes are a lesson for us to never repeat them. To learn from them. Sure we made mistakes. Everyone makes them and that is why we're humans. We grow from our mistakes. Our mistakes urge us to do better. To be better than what we were when we did those things or said those things.

Our good deeds, they're a message to say that we do have greatness in us. And that we can do much better than the things we've done. Let your good deeds be a message to you, to not to falter from your path. To remind you, that you are capable of being better than making the mistake.

As they say, everything needs to be balances. Similarly, the right and the wrong needs to be balanced too. Too much of either can disturb the whole system. To find the right balance, to make it work for you, and to stick to that, takes a hell lot of courage, experience and will power.

So don't aim to be too good, or too bad. Find the perfect balance. And don't forget, mistakes are made by everyone. It is all in how you come out of it and face it.

Drug Jealous.

Jealousy?

According to the Webster dictionary,
Definition of JEALOUSY
1
: a jealous disposition, attitude, or feeling
2
: zealous vigilance .


So yeah.

When we we yearn for something, and we don't have it, but we see others who have it and feel dejected? Hurt? Simply put, we feel jealous.
What makes us jealous, varied from person to person. It may just be the simplest thing as a chocolate. Or the most complicated thing, money.Or it may even be a friend's happiness.

We often wonder, is feeling jealous right? Especially when it comes from our loved ones? No it isn't! But there's also another fact, we can't help it. Sure we can control it to some extent, but never completely. You know why, because we always want something other than what we have. It's human nature. And also because, nobody is perfect. =)

So instead of fighting it, and feeling bad about it. I'd say embrace it. To make yourself a better and a stronger person. And take jealousy as a medicine, not as a drug which leads to your destruction.

So human up friends, and keep it healthy.

Beyond we.

So yeah.
"Move On". Isn't that what everyone hears everytime they're dumped? So what exactly does this mean? Forget the person and carry on with your life? Or just get hooked with someone else?

I'll tell you what I think is moving on now. It means to be able to ACCEPT. Accept the fact that the person you love, is no longer attracted to you. Or simply hates you. Because it's impossible to stop loving a person.The love remains. What goes away is the lust.

Contrary to what the world says, 98% of the relationships are the results of mistaken lust for love.The perfect relationship, is the simplest thing ever. Because it's based on love,with just the right amount of lust, your relationship will flourish. And if your relationship is based on lust, then your relationship is doomed from the start. Because once you love a person, it's with their wrong and rights, at their best and worst, and through thick and thin and no matter what happens, you'll make it through.

So,all the people stuck over their pasts, thinking that i can't be alive again because the love of my life is gone,let me tell you one thing. It's not! It's possible to fall in love twice. Or even thrice. Just don't stop believing. And if your relationship has failed, that's because the proportion of lust was unequal in the relationship. So, step up, pull up your socks, and take another chance.

For the love of it all.

" Tonight and Always"


When nothing was alright,
the long summer nights..
two people talked..
on separate paths they walked..
their souls they bared..
unknown to the paths they were to tread..
they didn't realise they were falling..
somewhere,, in each other.. was their calling.
Somewhere along the long way,
Noone remembers the exact day,
Their destinies entwined,
And never did they mind.
It was such a comendable feat
that each other did they complete.
No stranger would have known,
that together they had not grown.
And then the time came,
And they admitted with no shame.
Life was impossible without each other,
even the thought made them shudder.
She was broken and shy,
And he'd do anything to give it a try.
She was hesitant, and he adamant,
But together to be, they were meant.
Distance seemed to be the only matter,
that too, did they shatter.
They met, they embraced.
Finally, each other, they faced.
They held on to each other too tight,
not to be overcome by fright.
She said,"Baby,I'm scared!
Without you, I wouldn't have dared.
To get so up,close and personal,
to feel something so sensational.
Something that brings a smile on my face,
All my pain it does erase.
Baby, with you, I can shine,
Will you be mine? "
The answer couldv'e been in many ways,
But all he said was, "Tonight and always".






So yeah, I wrote this poem for my first love on his birthday. Sadly, it wasn't a long one. But the memories that remain, I will treasure always. He brought out the best in me. And saw me the way I wanted to be seen. He made me a person that I never knew I could be. So yeah, if you ask me do I still love him? I'll smile and say I do. But not the love we shared. The love for the person he is. And for making me what I am today. More confident. More self-aware. And lastly, less immune to the emotions I possessed. So yeah. I respect him. No matter what happened between us. And I will still love him as a friend.

Life, as I know it.

How exactly is life through the eyes of a seventeen year old?

Well, for starters, I'm not normal. Will never be normal in fact. Normal is BORING. Cliches are a passe a for me.

You may call me the nerd because of my reading habits. You may call me the tomboy because of my obsession with sports. You may call me a spoilt brat for getting into mischief every now and then. I may be the typical girl too, for my obsession with eyeliner and eye make-up. But then again, who are you to judge me?

And what is life according to me? Life is friends and family. Cause they've been there with me throughout. Through thick and thin, they've helped me make it through. Whether it was a scratch from a fall, or a heartbreak. They've been there. I love them.

And from now on, this is going to be my area. My thoughts. My feelings. My life.

So basically, ME.