I promised myself. No wait, I swore to myself.
To never be like her. She, who I despised and loved at the same time. She, who I looked to for strength, and who I blamed for everything that failed.
I swore never to make the same mistakes. Never to go as weak as she went. Never to compromise on my courage, or my dreams. To fight for what I believed in. and to always, ALWAYS, keep my pain to myself and to smile, no matter what may come.
But slowly, I became her. I despised myself. Despised her too. Blamed her for turning me into her. But it was too late. I was her now.
Not only her ghost, but her shadow.I became everything she ever was, and more.
But now, in her shoes, I understand. I empathise. All the dreams I thought she compromised, were not sacrifices, but a way for greater things to be, namely me and him. All the times I thought she was weak, she stood at her strongest. And all the times she broke down, was in exasperation, but she never gave up.
Now, I understand.
Now, I know.
That she is someone to be proud of. And to be her, an honour.
So now, I look in the mirror, and smile, proudly.
I am proud to be your shadow.
I love you, ma.
3 comments:
Its true to a certain extent, and really variable to another. But the way you have shown Her way of life, is really nice!
Keep it up!
that's some deep stuff there!
extremely heartfelt!
i'm sure your mum will be really proud!
http://sartorialdiary.blogspot.com/
What can I say!! Mistakes as always are a part of our lives. So are sacrifices. Some may not be worthy of, but some, you wouldn't want to call them sacrifices at all, because you know it is for a greater good. And what better way is there to explain these feelings then the relationship of a parent and child? Each with mistakes of its own, would only learn in due course of time to forget, to forgive, to love and to look up to the other. A unique complicated bond it indeed is which only helps us to be the people we are today.
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